Life have turned out to be such a great thing...memories of the dark days of my childhood are so far from me today that it seems to belong to someone else. I have grown, have fallen, have collected the tiny pieces of my heart time and time again, started from zero more times than I care to mention, got it right sometimes, screw up many times, made so many mistakes that it makes hard to count then sometimes...but have also learned so many precious lessons along the way...
I think the ones I loved and lost; the ones that are no longer around; the ones that are still with me in spite of myself; the ones I've helped along the way; the ones who held me together as I felt apart; the ones that I loved but rather stay away. When I close my eyes so many faces runs through my mind and I wonder what has happen to some;others I wish them the best but don't want them in my life even tough at some point they were the air I breathed; rejoice for the success and happiness of many; others have been forgiven even though they have never said 'sorry'.
I have learned, through the generosity of the least expected person in my life, that forgiveness leads us to the path to redemption, for that she will always be in my prayers. Forgiveness of others and ourselves opens the doors to healing and healing guides us to acceptance, peace and self balance.
The joy that comes from the inside is such that, sometimes, when I think of the journey I've traveled so far, tears of gratitude strings down my face, there is no sorrow nor sadness, instead a fuzzy happy feeling (like a glass of bubbly) feels my soul and heart, all the memories of times I thought I was all alone in the dark, and the realization that there was always His arms holding me even when I couldn't see it then.
They say that age brings you wisdom, peace, acceptance and balance, I believe it does ~ if you are willing to look inside yourself ~ to deal with the pluses and minuses that comes along with living a fulfilling life, understanding that risks and mistakes are part of the journey and like anything else, sometimes we win and many other times we lose, but there is always something fruitful to come out of it.
I am happier, peaceful and in balance with myself today at 50 more than I have ever been. It is a feeling free of someone or something else, it is this infinite source inside, that pours through me, loving and appreciating every little blessing that comes my way. No, life is far from being perfect (whatever that might be), but if it ended right here and right now I would leave with a smile in my face and a light spirit knowing that I lived a good and fulfilling life.
That is the thought in my mind every night before I fall into the arms of unconsciousness ~"If I don't wake up tomorrow, was this life worth living??? And as I slide into my dreams the answer echoes in my brain YES IT HAS!'
Last night I dreamt that I was dancing alone in my kitchen and singing 'I can see clearly now...'