The Blaming Game.

Many times over I have heard, friends and people that I love, speak of good things, always with a 'but' at the end of their sentences: 'I had a nice day but...' 'I had a nice vacation but...' 'He's a good boyfriend but...' and it all remind me of the person I once was.

I remember a time when I, myself, used to use blame others and everything I could, in order to justify my reasons. Parents, job, family, partner, friends, children, government, economical situation, heritage, my home, my income, my car, the weather....anything would do, whatever reason I could find in order to take the focus of what the 'real' problem was.

It was a comfortable place to hide, to avoid the truth, a truth that patiently and silently waited for me to finally have the courage to face it.

As a child I never saw myself over 35 years old. Aging has never scared, for me it was a sign that I had survived the tumultuous early years....and as I age I am glad to see that some kind of crazy wisdom is making me company in my early 'old years'. Today I realize that all the blame was just a big waste of time. Blaming others and the circumstances that I've, ironically, many times put myself in, was just a waste of everyone's time.

As I look back and see things much more clear now than I did then, I see that I let fear dictate most of my actions growing up, fear to be alone, fear to be abandoned, fear to have another parent walk away without ever looking back, fear to be hungry again, fear that others could see the life me and my siblings lived and judge or take us away, fear of not having friends, fear of never being happy, fear of not being accepted by who I was...and the list goes on. Fear had created a whole 'persona' inside and I let it dominate my young years with its loud voice echoing inside.

Blaming others for what I did or for what I didn't was just a way to keep looking at external factors in order to find an explanation for my own unhappiness or frustration. Blaming others didn't change and will never change others, didn't change the fear inside, it didn't make others act or behave differently, it didn't change ME.

In few occasions, I was even successful making others feel guilty or sorry for something they did, but even then I would be 'happy' for a little while and then, like an 'addiction', I had to find something or someone else to blame...However, there was always a little voice inside that would remind me that the cause of my unhappiness was within myself, not outside.

Life has taught me, not too long ago, that I experience and live with the 'monsters' I create with my own hands. That the only way to change the outcome of my experiences is changing myself. Facing my own fears, changing the way I behave, the way I respond to things that happens to me, changing even the circle of people most close to me.

Stopping this belief that the world revolves around me, that I am that important, that everyone else on the planet has it better than I do, learning that all that happens is not, necessarily, personal and direct at me - wow, even as I write this, it sounds so farfetched that someone can think this way - Life has taught me that an honest eye to eye conversation - with myself and others - might not be the easy thing to do when we hurt but it can avoid deep scars and a life of what ifs.

Learning to silence my mind and dealing with my fears one by one, letting them finally rest, having a cold look inside myself and being my own critic, pointing fingers at my own mistakes, behaviors and thoughts, accepting responsibility for what I have done, or not done, then learning to respect other's choices, and walk away when they still have their own lessons to learn, loving and respecting myself first, standing up for my dreams and goals, understanding and forgiving myself.

Learning that forgiveness has a healing power so immense that can transform a life. To say 'I am sorry' and 'I forgive you' has helped me heal my soul and mind. It has taught me that I am capable of making a difference, if not in someone else's life, I most certainly can make a difference in my own life.

N. Cardoso 05/10/2012

Life's a Classroom

I was driving to my office this morning thinking about some of the latest events that has happened, which without any doubt have pulled me down for a while there. This event has brought back feelings that I believed was never to be experienced again in this lifetime.

As always the radio was playing something that I was not paying attention to but then a song came along and got my attention. As I listened to the lyrics something just clicked. Part of the lyrics said "...life is much more than our eyes can see" and it reminded myself that there are so many great reasons to be happy, not let temporary obstacles drawn us down. The song went something like this:

"Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining
It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what our eyes are seeing
You will find your way

We all go through ups and downs in life, it becomes harder to have the downs when you have learned what the ups means, however this same knowledge on the other token should be the strength that pulls you to stand up straight, look right ahead and continue to believe on things you believed.

Bad, insensitive,, simply mean people are all around, don't ever change your values and beliefs because they show you how deceiving and unscrupulous a person can be. In moments like this, it is ok to feel down, to hurt and temporarily lose faith in humanity, step back and evaluate the situation, cry and let your wounds heal at its own time. In time we will realize that the day has come to close the book behind, recognize that these people have been deceiving themselves much more than they have deceived you and look ahead. Get closer and surround yourself with the ones you care and truly care about you, their love for you will make all be fine again.

Love is always worth and it is a powerful energy that keeps us going like the Duracell bunny....

Have a great day!

05/06/2010

Loving what we do!

 

The first thing to remember is that we must be satisfied with our work, knowing that we've done the best we could do with what we had to work with at the time. Know that, if we're worth our salt, we'll always wish we could do more, improve, become more proficient at our craft or skill.

Those who do good work of any kind always seem to be seeking that next mountain to climb, that next challenge that takes them to another creative level. It is crucial to find satisfaction in our work at this time and at this stage of our development. Be gentle and generous with ourselves. Give credit where credit is due. Do not let that inner voice of censorship overwhelm us with self-defeating criticism.

Be thankful that a task have been completed and then move on. Let's remember that this is one step in a long process. We do not fall or stand by one project, this is not a "make or break" - this is a signpost, a landmark on a long journey. If we look at successful people, we'll see that the majority work patiently at what they do over the long term.

We'll find that everyone has their ups and downs, but it's one who keep going that get somewhere. Trust the process.

Loving what we do, giving ourselves permission to do something for the sheer love of it. When love is our motivation, others opinions matter less. The fire is generated from inside, from the center of our hearts.

Love is the compass that guides us across the desert stretches and through the howling wilderness. If we love what we do, we will be able to move beyond our own fears and the negative opinions and actions of others. There is no substitute for passionate and heartfelt belief.

'The best picture has not yet been painted; the greatest poem is still unsung; the mightiest novel remains to be written; the divinest music has not been conceived even by Bach. In science, probably ninety-nine percent of the knowable has not yet been discovered' - L. Steffens    

Reposted on May /2010

Holy Cow, It's Friday and Sunny!

      

I have to confess, I do have periods when I am down, depressed, miserable, wanting to be alone, and sad. Gray and rainny days have this affect on me. I believe we all deserve to feel like that once in a while. I believe it's part of the scale of happiness and a balanced life.

I heard it’s healthy. I also know I am the one who gets myself out of this funk and puts me on the path of happiness over again. If I had to depend on others to do this, I would never be happy. Knowing that gives me comfort to feel down sometimes, because I know exactly where my happiness comes from, I know how to tap into the foutain that makes me whole again, it lays right here, inside of me. I only look to others to feed on their positivity. This is called helping each other, novel thought, huh?

Have a fantastic day and remember, only you can control down times. When they come be generous, be patient, be understanding, be forgiving, be gentle with yourself. Remember that after the each storm, each rainy day there will always be a sunny and bright sky waiting for you.

To quote the old time Cubs announcer, Harry Cary, “HOLY COW”, IT’S FRIDAY AND SUNNY. Talk about a pick me up. That will do it every time.Have a wonderful day!

N. Cardoso - Inspired by a thought from Tony Bovi.