The Blaming Game.

Many times over I have heard, friends and people that I love, speak of good things, always with a 'but' at the end of their sentences: 'I had a nice day but...' 'I had a nice vacation but...' 'He's a good boyfriend but...' and it all remind me of the person I once was.

I remember a time when I, myself, used to use blame others and everything I could, in order to justify my reasons. Parents, job, family, partner, friends, children, government, economical situation, heritage, my home, my income, my car, the weather....anything would do, whatever reason I could find in order to take the focus of what the 'real' problem was.

It was a comfortable place to hide, to avoid the truth, a truth that patiently and silently waited for me to finally have the courage to face it.

As a child I never saw myself over 35 years old. Aging has never scared, for me it was a sign that I had survived the tumultuous early years....and as I age I am glad to see that some kind of crazy wisdom is making me company in my early 'old years'. Today I realize that all the blame was just a big waste of time. Blaming others and the circumstances that I've, ironically, many times put myself in, was just a waste of everyone's time.

As I look back and see things much more clear now than I did then, I see that I let fear dictate most of my actions growing up, fear to be alone, fear to be abandoned, fear to have another parent walk away without ever looking back, fear to be hungry again, fear that others could see the life me and my siblings lived and judge or take us away, fear of not having friends, fear of never being happy, fear of not being accepted by who I was...and the list goes on. Fear had created a whole 'persona' inside and I let it dominate my young years with its loud voice echoing inside.

Blaming others for what I did or for what I didn't was just a way to keep looking at external factors in order to find an explanation for my own unhappiness or frustration. Blaming others didn't change and will never change others, didn't change the fear inside, it didn't make others act or behave differently, it didn't change ME.

In few occasions, I was even successful making others feel guilty or sorry for something they did, but even then I would be 'happy' for a little while and then, like an 'addiction', I had to find something or someone else to blame...However, there was always a little voice inside that would remind me that the cause of my unhappiness was within myself, not outside.

Life has taught me, not too long ago, that I experience and live with the 'monsters' I create with my own hands. That the only way to change the outcome of my experiences is changing myself. Facing my own fears, changing the way I behave, the way I respond to things that happens to me, changing even the circle of people most close to me.

Stopping this belief that the world revolves around me, that I am that important, that everyone else on the planet has it better than I do, learning that all that happens is not, necessarily, personal and direct at me - wow, even as I write this, it sounds so farfetched that someone can think this way - Life has taught me that an honest eye to eye conversation - with myself and others - might not be the easy thing to do when we hurt but it can avoid deep scars and a life of what ifs.

Learning to silence my mind and dealing with my fears one by one, letting them finally rest, having a cold look inside myself and being my own critic, pointing fingers at my own mistakes, behaviors and thoughts, accepting responsibility for what I have done, or not done, then learning to respect other's choices, and walk away when they still have their own lessons to learn, loving and respecting myself first, standing up for my dreams and goals, understanding and forgiving myself.

Learning that forgiveness has a healing power so immense that can transform a life. To say 'I am sorry' and 'I forgive you' has helped me heal my soul and mind. It has taught me that I am capable of making a difference, if not in someone else's life, I most certainly can make a difference in my own life.

N. Cardoso 05/10/2012

The Obstacle in our Path

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock.

Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

Tiny Buddha 09/2010

The Road To Happiness

"The U.S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up to it yourself'"

"When I travel on business, I like to talk to the taxi drivers who take me from the airport to my hotel, or to a convention center, or to a restaurant. Taxi drivers are often immigrants with interesting personal histories and unusual cultural backgrounds. I ask them how long they've been in America, how they chose which city to live in, and what they like best about where they live. Of course, I also ask them for advice on good local restaurants and any special attractions they'd recommend to a visitor. I've had some great experiences on my travels, thanks to the advice of taxi drivers!

On one trip about ten years ago, I was making conversation with the taxi driver, asking him my usual questions about how he came to live where he lived. Then I asked him a hypothetical question: "If you could live anywhere in the world—and if money was no object—where would you live?"

Without hesitating even for a second, he replied, "I live in my heart. So it really doesn't matter where my body lives. If I am happy inside, then I live in paradise, no matter where my residence is."

I felt humbled and a little foolish for my question. Of course he was right—happiness is an inside job. He had reminded me of something I already knew, but had forgotten. If you can't find happiness inside yourself, you'll never find it in the outside world, no matter where you move. Wherever you go, there you are. You take yourself with you.

I am grateful for the wisdom of that taxi driver. And I'm grateful for all the wisdom others have shared with me about how to be happy."  by Mac Anderson and BJ Gallagher

          

You don't have to be a graduate from Harvard to know what that cab driver knew....

Until you learn to be happy with what you have and with whoever you are, regardless of any outside circunstance, no one can help you.

You have to search deep down within yourself to realy find the happiness we all strive for. Happiness is not a when and a where, it is a here and now!

Excuses can be made - when I have a bigger house, when I go on vacation, when I get there, when this or that happens...

There is an immense amount of excuses you can create, or just absorb from others to keep you from facing the real problem, however, until you realize that IF happiness was only encoutered on richness and possessions, millions of people around the world wouldn't have the faintest chance to achieve it, yet without any of the riches people in riches nations have, they know, they have the grasp and understanding what happiness really is. It is so simple that in a capitalist world, in a 'what is in for me' mentality, in a life lived vicariously through ridiculous 'reality shows on TV' it scapes, like the fine sand on the beach escapes through your fingers as you try to hold it, through the majority people's understanding.

Happines has no price, but never fool yourself into believing that because it is a free commodity it has no value...it has no price and it is available to all without discrimination not because it has no value but because there is not enough gold, diamond and money in the world tthat could pay the price that is worth.

The pictures on this post are pictures of few places I've lived in and had the opportunity to visit. There are so many different and gorgeous places that I would need a much bigger album to add all of them, however, today, as I look back,  I realize that I have been blessed enough to live and visit few of the most beatiful places in the world but I also realize that I was only partially happy in every place, because I, like many, I was always looking looking for something outside myself, for what was missing, for 'the next big thing', the thrill...

 

 

Now, those places are thousands of miles away from me, maybe one day I will be blessed enough to visit them again, who knows, life is a wonderful adventure, but the happiness and joy I feel inside can't be tainted by anything else.

 

 

No one, and I truly mean no one, have the power to take it away from me.  Even tough bad things, heart breaks, disapointments, eventual failures and life in general is not a 'perfect life' (whatever that might be), even tough I am still searching for an even better part of myself, I know that, in the end, there is only one person that holds the key to my complete happiness, and that person is myself.

N.Cardoso

Staying Positive on a Negative World.

I was reading this article this morning and thought it was a good reading for the begining of a new week and worth sharing with you...hope you do enjoy as well.

"We live in a world full of many negative and bad things.

Sometimes I am sure that you think that there can not be anything good happening! The media loves bad news! It reports on wars, crime, famine, recession, disease and disasters all the time. Such news they say sells. Yes there are many bad things happening and yes many of them will affect us at times.

What happens though when these things become all consuming?

Many people today are depressed, they drink and overeat to drown their misery which adds to their woes. What can we do to stay positive and get more out of life? For entrepreneurs it is vital to stay positive. How can you make your business grow and succeed if you are always worried about the next problem around the corner?

What is Real Positive Thinking?

Firstly let me be realistic about ‘positive thinking.’ Positive thinking will not give you some power to do what is not possible. This reminds me of the story of the man who said that positive thinking would allow him to jump off the top of a 30 story building and land without getting hurt. As he fell and passed a window on the fifteenth floor he was heard to say, “So far so good!”

How do we define real positive thinking? It is a realistic view of the world. There are many good things, many good people, many kind acts. When faced with problems there are usually solutions or methods to cope with them. A positive view helps a person to overcome or go around obstacles. To get to the other side of a mountain you do not need to go over it! You may walk or possible sail around it. There is often another way.

With positive thinking a problem is just a challenge. It will require a strategy and maybe help from someone to solve it or help you live with it.

My grandmother you used to say that there is no such word as ‘can’t’. I can’t do that or I can't do this? How do you know unless you try? Now a real positive thinker will know that there are some things you can’t do. At my age I will not win an Olympic Gold Medal in the 100 metres! This does not mean though that I can’t run and enjoy it! Be positive about what you can do and be prepared to try new things to see what your talents will allow you to do.

Being Positive in Business

The great thing about business is that you do not have to be able to do everything yourself. You can outsource work, get a business partner or employ someone. No such word as can’t! You can because you can get someone else to do the things you can’t do or do not have time to learn how to do them.

You need to look at every problem as a challenge. How can this be solved? Or how can you work around it? Use experts that can help if the problem is bigger than you can handle or you lack the knowledge to deal with it.

Learn to be realistic so that when you have a fantastic business you check it out before plunging into it. The positive thinking gurus will tell you that if you are positive any business idea will work. Rubbish! When many people tell you that your idea won’t work they may possibly be right. But ask the right people. Potential customers are your best option! Try and look at things in an objective way and do market research before risking your hard earned and cash and wasting time on projects that will not make you any money. However keep in mind that if what you are proposing is brand new it will meet resistance from investors, banks and others but if genuine market research (not your mum!) shows that there is sufficient demand then go for it!

Avoid Negativity

Whilst you need to be a realist, one thing that the positive thinking guru will encourage is to avoid being too connected with negative thinkers. That is probably good advice. Limit your time with the doom-mongers of this world. You know the ones. It’s too hot, then it’s too cold, and they are happiest when they are miserable! Most news channels on the TV show the same depressing news over and over again. By all means keep up to date but why watch or listen to the same story time after time? Read a good book instead or find something to do that will not only benefit you but will help others too.

Enjoy your life!

Take a pride and pleasure in what you do. Success is not to be measured against someone else’s wealth. There are many miserable millionaires in this world and money does not buy happiness. Surveys show that those most satisfied with their lives are people that work for little or nothing in the way of money as they spend their time helping others not as fortunate as themselves. In business there is a great deal of satisfaction from helping your customers to solve their problems or simply make them happy. Build your business around customer satisfaction.

That satisfaction will reflect in your enjoyment of your work and will give a you a positive feeling that no amount of positive thinking without such results will ever give.'

A magic moment!

I woke up this morning and between that little moment before the dream's memories goes away and the reality sets in, I hear birds chirping as the sun rises, the day gets brighter almost by the second. The sound of the ocean waves smoothly playing with the rocks and pebbles on the beach comes to me through my bedroom windows. The brine smell creeps in and reminds me of how blessed I am. The sweet perfume of wild roses swirling awakens my senses.

I throw my legs up in the air and push the covers away, just to feel the morning chill in the air in my still warm body...I pull them back quickly, all the way up to my neck and snuggle under it for a little bit more. I smile because that peaceful moment plays with my head, reminding me of days thata are long gone, giving an extra special meaning to this peaceful moment...I avoid putting my feet on the floor for as long I possibly can because once I do, this special time will be over, and all the daily routines must start. 

'You've got to get up every morning with determination, if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction' - the quote from Geoge Lorimer comes to my awaking mind, and I think: it's another wonderful day for the living and I am looking forward to all the wonderful promises and adventures this day has in store for me.

It's Monday, my friends, enjoy this day like no other. Make this a day to be remembered on the days to come. Have a magnificent day! 

N. Cardoso 06/18/2012

What is Happiness?

by Daisaku Ikeda

What is the purpose of life?

It doesn't matter what your answer is in the and it all boils to one simple and common answer.

It is to become happy.

Whatever country or society people live in, they all have the same deep desire: to become happy. Yet, there are few ideals as difficult to grasp as that of happiness. In our daily life we constantly experience happiness and unhappiness, but we are still quite ignorant as to what happiness really is.

 

The secret of happiness lay in building a strong inner self that no trial or hardship could ruin. Happiness for anyone - man or woman - does not come simply from having a formal education, from wealth, having power or from marriage. It begins with having the strength to confront and conquer one's own weaknesses. Only then does it become possible to lead a truly happy life and enjoy a successful relationship with others.

Happiness doesn't exist in the past or in the future. It only exists within our state of life right now, here in the present, as we face the challenges of daily life.

You know best whether you are feeling joy or struggling with suffering. These things are not known to other people. Even a man who has great wealth and social recognition may still be shadowed by indescribable suffering deep in his heart. On the other hand, an elderly woman who is not fortunate financially, leading a simple life alone, may feel the sun of joy and happiness rising in her heart each day.

Happiness is not a life without problems, but rather the strength to overcome the problems that come our way. There is no such thing as a problem-free life; difficulties are unavoidable. But how we experience, confront and react to our problems depends on us.

Buddhism teaches that we are each responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness. Our vitality - the amount of energy or "life-force" we have - is in fact the single most important factor in determining whether or not we are happy.

True happiness is to be found within, in the state of our hearts. It does not exist on the far side of some distant mountains. It is within you, yourself. However much you try, you can never run away from yourself. And if you are weak, incapable to deal with your own vulnerabilities and mistakes, suffering will follow you wherever you go. You will never find happiness if you don't challenge your weaknesses and change yourself from within.

Happiness is to be found in the dynamism and energy of your own life as you struggle to overcome one obstacle after another. This is why I believe that a person who is active, free from fear and strong to stand for his/her faith and belief is truly happy.

The challenges we face in life can be compared to a tall mountain, rising before a mountain climber. For someone who has not trained properly, whose muscles and reflexes are weak and slow, every inch of the climb will be filled with terror and pain. The exact same climb, however, will be a thrilling journey for someone who is prepared, whose legs and arms have been strengthened by constant training. With each step forward and up, beautiful new views will come into sight.

A teacher used to talk about two kinds of happiness - "relative" and "absolute" happiness. Relative happiness is happiness that depends on things outside ourselves: friends and family, surroundings, the size of our home or family income.

This is what we feel when a desire is fulfilled, or something we have longed for is obtained. While the happiness such things bring us is certainly real, the fact is that none of this lasts forever. Things change. People change. This kind of happiness shatters easily when external conditions alter.

Relative happiness is also based on comparison with others. We may feel this kind of happiness at having a newer or bigger home than the neighbors. But that feeling turns to misery the moment they start making new additions to theirs!

Absolute happiness, on the other hand, is something we must find within. It means establishing a state of life in which we are never defeated by trials and where just being alive is a source of great joy. This persists no matter what we might be lacking, or what might happen around us. A deep sense of joy is something which can only exist in the innermost reaches of our life, and which cannot be destroyed by any external forces. It is eternal and inexhaustible.

This kind of satisfaction is to be found in consistent and repeated effort, so that we can say, "Today, again, I did my very best. Today, again, I have no regrets. Today, again, I won." The accumulated result of such efforts is a life of great victory.

What we should compare is not ourselves against others. We should compare who we are today against who we were yesterday, who we are today against who we will be tomorrow. While this may seem simple and obvious, true happiness is found in a life of constant advancement. And the same worries that could have made us miserable can actually be a source of growth when we approach them with courage and wisdom.

The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali

N. Cardoso - 08/2010

Dare to Dream.

I strongly feel that death is actually a small concern compared to the living dead, who have not fulfilled their dream or who have not been true to themselves. Live a life for which you can be thankful. - Patch Adams

Clearing the inner clutter and freeing ourselves from past patterns that would hold us back is the beginning of liberty. But it is only a beginning. We are the ones we have been waiting for, and it is up to us to cultivate our potential for greatness and offer our gifts to the world. If we have emptied ourselves of prejudice, anger, and fear, then we can be filled with love. We can be the dreamers who make a more lovely and equitable world a reality.

'When I look into the future, it's so bright it burns my eyes.'

We are great mysteries, living in the sea of life. As the ebb and flow of tides of changes wash through us we can choose growth and expansion, or we can cling to the old ways of thinking and being. Still even if we choose to cling, life itself changes around us, and we find that trying to stop the evolution of our souls is the way of death. If we choose to seek and embrace the changes, to ride the tides and trust the powers that is both within and without, we co-create our destinies and become more than we even dreamed we would be.

The power lies in this moment, this choice. At the intersection of here and now lies the opportunity to begin a new and happier pattern by making a different choice.

'Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.'

Tiny Buddha -  06/2010

The Power Within.

“The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is conformity.” Rolo May

Why are you doing what you do? Are you doing it because everyone else does, or are you part of the minority, that do what they do because they LOVE IT? The success is within you, does not depend upon others, on what they see, or what 'you think' they see. In fair crude and realistic reality very few people care to what really happens to you, in its majority this 'approval' or all the 'critique' is all inside your head only.

The outside environment, or circumstances are just what they are. Don't keep looking for an opportunity to make something out of it, take what you have and create an incredible opportunity.

Success is the progressive realization of a worth ideal.

All you need is to guide your thoughts into actions, and fom there move towards to the things you truly want. Success is not an extra dollar in your bank account, success is to do what you want to do, deliberately.

We become what we think about.

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them" George Bernard Shaw

Noemi Cardoso 03/2012

Loving what we do!

 

The first thing to remember is that we must be satisfied with our work, knowing that we've done the best we could do with what we had to work with at the time. Know that, if we're worth our salt, we'll always wish we could do more, improve, become more proficient at our craft or skill.

Those who do good work of any kind always seem to be seeking that next mountain to climb, that next challenge that takes them to another creative level. It is crucial to find satisfaction in our work at this time and at this stage of our development. Be gentle and generous with ourselves. Give credit where credit is due. Do not let that inner voice of censorship overwhelm us with self-defeating criticism.

Be thankful that a task have been completed and then move on. Let's remember that this is one step in a long process. We do not fall or stand by one project, this is not a "make or break" - this is a signpost, a landmark on a long journey. If we look at successful people, we'll see that the majority work patiently at what they do over the long term.

We'll find that everyone has their ups and downs, but it's one who keep going that get somewhere. Trust the process.

Loving what we do, giving ourselves permission to do something for the sheer love of it. When love is our motivation, others opinions matter less. The fire is generated from inside, from the center of our hearts.

Love is the compass that guides us across the desert stretches and through the howling wilderness. If we love what we do, we will be able to move beyond our own fears and the negative opinions and actions of others. There is no substitute for passionate and heartfelt belief.

'The best picture has not yet been painted; the greatest poem is still unsung; the mightiest novel remains to be written; the divinest music has not been conceived even by Bach. In science, probably ninety-nine percent of the knowable has not yet been discovered' - L. Steffens    

Reposted on May /2010

What do We Really NEED?

      

Today, after a number of days of a persistent rain, the sun finally came out this afternoon. It feels good to open the windows and doors, to go out and sit on the deck and look at the blue skies.

When I sit here, looking around me and absorbing all the beauty around me, I ponder about how blessed I am. I have lovely, respectful and successful children, I have two wonderful ex-husbands that regardless of our ended marriages we are still good friends. They were and still are an important part of my life and we all have a harmonious relationship. I had and still have friends that are worth having.

I live on this little loft on the beach, its peace and quiet has taught me in abundance what the true meaning of solitude is. I have learned to enjoy it. When I am out on a busy day filled with appointments and driving, when I feel like I am getting overwhelmed, I close my eyes for a second, take a deep breath and think about home, think about my little paradise, my flowers, the birds, frogs and all that is waiting for me after a long day.

My home is just big enough to welcome friends and family, a large deck oversees Buzzards Bay and on clear days I can see Martha's Vineyards, a large front yard and beach frontage allows me to entertain, have fun and enjoy people I love, yet is small enough that at the end of the day they can't overstay their welcome.

It just works perfect for me. Don't take me wrong I wonder what will happen when grandkids finally arrive and I want to spend more time with them? I think about them and I guess in a way I even dream about them...I know there are still another 6 years to go or so that's what my children tell me, they tell me to chill out and be patient, Ha!!! looks like they forgot who they are talking to. But I know all will come in its own time and when that time come I will be ready, one way or another.

Anyhow I don't mean that people shouldn't worry or care about having nice things. I, myself, love beautiful things, I say that I was born a millionaire but they forgot to tell the rest of the world about it. You know millionaire taste on a salary budget, however I am glad that over the years I came to learn that what makes a house a home has nothing to do with nice and expensive furniture and accessories. It is not all the stuff we can fill a house with that we value in the end.

What really matters is the space we create in our hearts for friends and family, is to see friends coming over and feeling comfortable enough to rest their feet on the coffee table, or take their shoes off and cross their legs on the couch, or go and browse the fridge themselves or see that they know where to find the beach towels.

The pleasure I feel inside every time a loved one does that, makes me realize that I might not have it all, that life might still have a lot of things, good and bad to bring to my plate, that many surprises will come but here and now I am happy and fulfilled, that at this moment I have achieved the simple and satisfying life I always wanted.

When, on days like today, after few days of intermittent rain, I come outside and look at this view, I realize that nothing can be that bad...every bump, every hill, every falling down are just little temporary hiccups along the path, all will be fine, just breathe, take all in and move forward towards the bright future that lies right ahead.

N. Cardoso 05/23/2012

Surrendering to Resistence

One of my new goals is to stop resisting to changes, to stop being my old self and allow new and refreshing changes and updates to happen, a 2.0 version of myself if you will.

In order to fulfill this plan I have stabilised that I will start every day, from now on, taking an hour or two before my day start with clients and to-do lists, and take time to do things for myself, to feed my soul, body and mind with things that's nourish and helps me grow as a person, as a woman, as a being. In order to achieve this goal I am waking up earlier than usual so I can accommodate this to my schedule without interfering with my regular daily activities.

My intention is to start the day with some positive readings, songs, relaxation and meditation. Yes I can do it all, I just manage the time. When I have two hours I take half hour for each task, some days I just have an hour then I just adapt and spend 15 minutes on each task.

On my search to enlighthenment and improvement I have found many sites and blogs that helped me to look inward and see the person I was, what I didn't like and take the innitiative to change it. I am, after all, the only person I can truly change.

Anyhow one of the sites I found, has thoughts that inspires me and sets the background for my mind to flow and self-analyze itself. It's called Tiny Tiny Buddha. You will see many of their posts, if not completely reposted, inspired by the thoughts their posts have infused my mind with on this intriguing journey to my self awakening. Reading, listening and surrounding yourself with positive thinking and energy helps tremendously on this path. Find your way, whatever that migh be and hold on to it. We all need some kind of suport when we start doing something new, it might be awkward, uncomfortable even but like in anything in life, practice makes perfect and the comfortable and control of your thoughts and feeling can be learned and performed by anyone that really wants to change themselves and I do belileve in that truth. So here I am, baby steps, hold on to all the suport I can to keep my legs straight and avoid to fall back into the whole I am finally trying to get out of.

I am a believer that life gives us clues and signs everywhere, if only we are willing to open your eyes, silence your mind and listen to them. I grab onto my clues and try diligently to change the pattern of my own life, to make it from a patchwork of circumstances and accidental events into something that I can control and change the ending. It surprises me to see how the words and thought I need in order to evolve comes to me from all types of different resources and people. It surprises me still to see that whatever was that I was thinking the days or nights before, what the next step would be then I get the idea, the clue I was looking for on a song, on a blog, on a conversation with a friend.

This is my life, I am the author of this adventure and I have the power, all inside myself, to change the ending to a happy and fulfilling ending, to make it exactly what I want it to be.

So, this is an insert of the blog I read this morning.

How often have we tried to control and confine life, living according to old rules, ideas, and expectations? I've wasted so much time and energy on proving I was right, on resisting change, and trying to hold on to the past long after it was time to let it go. It took me a long time to become conscious that another way was possible - a more flexible and easy way to approach life. I have learned that there is a great power in living in the flow.

Like a river, the life force must find its own way. There is something deep within that urges us to grow and evolve, to expand and to move beyond the limits of the way we were. We grow and evolve through different stages of life. Though a mother may adore the cuddly child, the nature of childhood is growth, expansion, and movement toward adulthood. It would be unnatural to try to stop the child from growing into an adult. As adults, we, too, are always going through stages of growth and change. Time moves on even when we wish it would stand still. The wisest course of action is to savor the moment and then release it, trusting that the next moment will bring its own gifts into our lives.

Sometimes we try to force things to happen. Yet our anxiety and urgency block the very flow we desire. The ego loves to control, confine, define. But freedom of the spirit moves according to a deeper wisdom.

'The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going.'

Flowing with life is not merely a passive allowing. Just as a farmer prepares the soil, plants the seeds, waters and cultivates the land, and does his daily work, so we do what we can do to create the optimum conditions for what we desire. It is the life force within the seed and the seed's partnership with the elements that create the magic of growth and fruition. The farmer does not have to stand in the field, grunting and groaning, trying to make the seeds grow. He plants the seeds and trust its nature to fulfill its destiny. We too, can plant and cultivate our seeds of faith and watch them grow according to a greater wisdom than we can yet imagine.

The more we resist, the harder life is. If we are willing to be flexible and open, we'll discover a gentle strength greater than we could have imagined in our earlier power struggles. Surrender to resistance. Go with the flow. And let it lead us into a more fulfilling adventures.

'Those who don't feel this life pulling them like a river, those who don't drink dawn like a cup of spring water or take in a sunset like supper, those who don't want to change, let them sleep.' Rumi

N. Cardoso May/2010 

We Can Choose Success, So How Come, Sometimes We Choose Failure?

I woke up this morning. and as always, while still laying in bed, even before opening my eyes, I just run my plans and thoughts for the day. I have had so far a very good year and few more closings to happen withing the next month - I am a Real Estate Professional and, as such, living sctrictly out of  commissions  -  however there is nothing on the pipeline for August and the following months, so, no wonder, my thoughts this morning was that I have to reach out and get my buyers buying.

Well, to make a long history short, after doing the work that goes into prospecting, brainstorming it is now almost 9 pm and I got 3 buyers ready to start looking at houses this weekend, planning to buy by August the latest.

Wow, what a sense of accomplishment! I believe that if we have well defined dreams and goals and  work courageously towards them they WILL HAPPEN....I have never experienced an effort towards a dream that didn't work yet I so easily get distracted and out of this path that I know brings the results my heart desires.

How come that even knowing the road to success we, sometimes, go back to the old and comfortable habits that brings us nowhere? I am finding out that, like anything in life, this is an exercise that must be practiced every day, every hour of my day, every minute of my day. This is something I have to learn to focus on and go back to right away when my eyes and thoughs get distracted by something else.

"We must look for ways to be an active force in our own lives. We must take charge of our own destinies, design a life of substance and truly begin to live our dreams." Les Brown

N.Cardoso 06/2010

Embrace the Changes that Comes Your Way.

It's Wednesday and it pours outside.

Looking out of my kitchen window I see nature changing right before my eyes. The brown grass that lingered throughout the winter is now of a vibrant green. Flowers are a little confused about the weather and some have not shown themselves this year at all, but spring flowers started to blossom, showing that them, have also changed after the winter.

As I sit here, on my computer, enjoying a warm coffee and my last few minutes of personal time, I start writing this, before the business hat kicks in, it makes me travel back and think of the long path I have travelled, bringing me to the person I am and to where I am today.

Nature has always been one of the few constant in my life. It has also been one of my best teachers. It was lost in its arms and whispering winds that I have found peace and harmony growing up. It was always a safe refuge out of all the family drama and pain. Contemplating, silently, its delicate nuances has taught me to notice and appreciate the little tiny things much more than I appreciate the big ones. It was laying on the grass in the middle of wild flowers in the savannah of Brazil, that I first experimented a feeling I have never had in my home: harmony and balance.

The fragrance of flowers and the clean, crispy unpolluted dry air of Brasilia, still being built as the Capital of Brazil back then, showed me, for the first time, at the tender age of 7, what love was.

A a love for something big, much bigger than myself. This feeling would flood my soul and whispered into my ears stories of distant lands and people speaking other languages, it whispered the stories of little and lonely girls all around the world who could raise above themselves and change their circumstances if they were persistent and courageous enough.

Years have passed from that sweet memory of my infancy and today, as I sit here, looking outside, listening the rain drops against the windows, I realize that while many say that things are what they are, that all is bad and there is no hope, I must disagree. If things were what they were, with no possibilities of changes, changes that start with our own nature, I would never be here.

People today live in a stage of immediate satisfaction and if not attained within the next few seconds they just move to something else. A world of too much for too little, to impress others rather than to stand for who they are. To blend with the mass rather than to stand out for their uniqueness. A world made of blaming on others, on their parents, on the economy, on the government, on their teachers, on their families, on their partners, on their circumstances, on their chances, or whatever other excuses people can find....nothing is never good enough...this world has come to a crazy search for nothing, a crazy race going nowhere...

Sure it's not an easy path, changes are never easy, especially when it comes to changing ourselves, which requires a daunting scrutiny of our deepest fears and issues in order to perform this change. It require taking ownership of our own actions and lack of actions, it requires self-critique. The thoughts that we will awake some disturbing memories and mess everything it's not an excuse. Don't they say that the truth will set you free...it really does. We sometimes think "what if it doesn't work???" well, that is a possibility isn't? But then, there is always the flip side of every coin...what if IT DOES????

As I travel back, remembering many of the different stages of my own life a quote from Paul Counsel comes to mind - The results you are achieving are the ones you have learned to achieve and if you want to change those results, then you must change the thinking and behavior that's responsible for them.

Have a great Wednesday!

N. Cardoso 05/09/2012

Simplify

I've been reading a little book called 'The Art of Simplicity' by Candy Paull and it has made me think and rethink about what simplicity is.

Last June I moved into this little place on the beach. A little loft with a deck and ocean views from almost every room, here, on my little peace of paradise I started practicing the art of shedding. Shedding possessions, since the space is restrict I finally come to realize that I really don't need much at all. Anne Murrow Lindenberg said in the book 'Gift from the Sea'

'...one learns first of all in beach living the art of shedding; how little one can get along with, not how much. Physical shedding to begin with, which then mysteriously spreads into other fields...'

I have the basics in my little place, basics that makes my life simple yet comfortable. Surrounded by books that have been illuminating my journey to the center of myself. A journey I took in order to destroy myths I have believed in for most of my life; a journey to remove weeds that I have allowed to grow and fed with my own thoughts and actions, allowing them to became strong in my soul; a journey to clear the dust, to face my own demons and let them rest; a journey to open the windows that have been closed for too long and let the sun shine, to bring a new light onto my old self.

I have no illusions that this will be an easy task. It has began about 7 months ago and since it started I have experienced things that are not comfortable to experience. I have realized that it doesn't matter what I say or do, in the end, people's words and action can only affect me as much as I allow them to, and to realize that I have been allowing other people to weaken my soul and spirit is not the best vision of myself.

My spirit was broken, my faith shaken to the core, even my body has weaken, as to reflect all the inside turmoil out, to a point of requiring medical attention. The need for solitude, to listen and understand what is happening grows stronger, I believe it is the next necessary step on this transformation.

I have to confess that it scares me. Sometimes I feel like running back to my shell and closing it in. To a place I feel safe and it doesn't hurt...but no matter how hard it might be, there is this voice inside that tells me that this journey has to be taken and no one can do it for me. This is the beginning of a new life. The life I have been searching for, so I must go on.

But today is Sunday, it's a beautiful day outside, and I have decided that I am spending this magnificent day at the beach, which is what I love to do the most. I got my mp3, a book, my beach chair, a blanket, notebook and pen and I was gone.

Laying on my chair, looking at the horizon, feeling the sand under my feet, made me think about all that I have been reading and how truly simple life can be. Think about how much we go, many times, completely out of our way, to bring complication in.

We live in a world that clamors for "more! more! more!" and forget our own childhood wonders, freedom, purity and simple happiness...a time when all that we needed was the loving hug and kisses of our parents and we knew then that everything else would be okay.

Simplicity opens the way to the heart, a place where we still can - if we take the time of our hustling and bustling lives - find the peace, quiet and hear the voice that guides us.

Simplicity is making elegant choices, treasuring precious moments, and valuing what is of eternal worth. Michelangelo saw in a crude piece of marble the wonder and beauty of the statue of David, we, like David have that inner beauty hidden in the complexity of the lives we create around us.

Simple and easy are not the same thing. Simplicity brings easy, but it is not always easy. Easy is the wish for a magic potion, an instant solution. Easy formulas that reduce life to quantifiable processes are the fascination of our times.

Simplicity is more organic and complex, a pearl of great price that must be sought after with the heart, not just the head. A Simple life is obtained focusing on the essentials of life, rather than allowing desires and fears to take the driver seat. Simplicity is finding abundance in the small things and re-discovering the wonder we once knew.

Now, sitting at the beach and letting my thoughts fly free to the horizon where the water meets the blue sky, made me think about many other times in life, reminded me that it doesn't matter how bad things might be in certain phases of our lives...if we take a break and re-focus we will find that there is still a very special little voice inside each and everyone of us, and all that we need to do is hear it to realize that the things that really count in life are love, faith, hope, health, laugh, joy, freedom, nature, the music of our souls, family and friends....they all are free of monetary cost and offer rewards that money can't buy....all the other things, well, they are just distractions, just a scrap of metal where you can see your own reflection and nothing more.

Focus on what is important, find who you really are and let it show. Take a little step of courage each and every minute on this journey and learn the art of simplicity.

Noemi Cardoso 05/30/2010

The Art of Simplicity.

The Art of Simplicity - Candy Paull

The art of simplicity is not only about things and experiences, it's about the choices you make and how you cultivate character. The old fashioned virtues have been neglected, but they are timeless essentials for a fulfilling life. You know how complex life can get when you procrastinate so long that a neglected problem takes on a life of its own. Suddenly the leak has becaxme a flood, the pile of paper an avalanche inundating your desk, the little white lies turn into a complicated attempt to remember the stories you told. Sometimes the difficult choices turn out to be the simplest choices of all. The choices and atitudes that make life simpler and easier are ones of character and integrity.

One of the easiest ways to cultivate inner simplicity is to practice gratitude. By giving thanks for what we receive, we encourage the universe to shower even more of the good things of life upon us. We come to realize that we are rich in the things that count.

'Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.'- Melody Beattie

'Only one thing is more frightening than speaking the truth. And that is not speaking.'- Naomi Wolf

Most 'looked for' course in Harvard is...

It is Friday night, and while sitting on the couch, working on some research on my computer, I have the TV on for some background noise, then the announcer on RI PBS announces the next segment on the show, it got my undivided attention - The topic is the most 'signed up for' class in Harvard. No, it's not law, no, not mathematics either, and not any of the other expected fields either. The most looked for class in Harvard is 'HOW TO BE HAPPY'.

Yes, that is right. The course with the most number of sign ups for is exactly that 'HOW TO BE HAPPY - WHAT IT TAKES TO BE HAPPY'. I got to say, it makes me think.

 

 

Funny is to realize that we grow up learning so many, things like how to read, how to behave, how to speak, learning different languages, how to play sports, how to be successful at work, in life in almost everything we do, but we usually don't learn the most important thing in life - HOW TO BE HAPPY. Sitting here and thinking about as I write I realize that this to-do list is basically made to make us conform to what the world and others expect from us. It sounds like we are doing something wrong in the path, and messing up the whole balance of life.

Go figure! Like most people, we worry about all the other things that relate to others and how others will perceive us, how will others be able to say that we are successful. Have you ever noticed that in the turmoil, of making the rest of the world satisfied, we forget the most important? Missing an important step on learning how to have a meaningful life.

Looks like we spend so much time pleasing people, trying to be what we are not so we can be accepted by our pairs. We forget who we really are and become more what others want us to be. We, sometimes, worry on making people see how strong, powerful and triumphant we are, afraid of showing signs of weakness. 

So many time we so worried impressing people that, not too rarely, are not that important in our lives that we forget to be successful inside ourselves.

What it really means to be successful? From inside out? I believe it starts with a simple thing...being happy with the person we are. All the exterior success means nothing when at the end of the day you honestly look at image reflected in the mirror and realize that all that you have achieved does not bring you true joy and happiness.

At this point I am curious on what they teach on that class, I wish I was living in Cambridge once more so I could sign for the class myself to find out. But since now I am away from Harvard, the only thing I can think of are the simplest instructions; the ones our grandparents knew well; the ones we knew when we were children before we were corrupted by becoming like 'everyone else' idea.

I believe that the secret and response to the question is simple as A,B,C.

A - Don't ever take people and life for granted, love your family and friends (most importantly - let them know that you love them);
B - Be who you are and the people who matters the most will love your for that, not for who you pretend to be;
C - Live each new day as they come, with good, bad and ugly experiences. They, after all, makes you who you are.

Listening to the panel of scientists and professors it comes as no surprise that people who take time to enjoy their family and friends, who exercises a couple of times a weeks, who forgive themselves for mistakes made, who makes time to do something meaningful to others (it does not mean how big or small), who laughs and take time off to just relax and be goofy once a day are much less at risk to be depressed and have higher chances to be a happy and consequently a healthier person.

As you see happiness, now proven by scientists and professors at Havard: is not related to financial achievement or possessions; it does not required complicated formulas or calculations; it's not for sale and it can't be bought regardless of how much money one might have; is not in a distant land nor will only happen when you get there. It's here and now, it's acessible to everyone who cares enough to get it; it comes from inside and then, reflects on everything else.

N. Cardoso 05/2010

"Walk the Talk".

Motivational author and speaker Zig Ziglar once said, "Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be."

Think about words like commitment, honesty, accountability, respect, courage, ethics, and integrity. These are important words when it comes to your success, in pretty much every single field of your life, but these words are meaningless if you don't live by them. After all, if you constantly say one thing and do another, you will lose people's trust and, without the trust of your partner, family, friends, clients, or colleagues, success is impossible no matter how much power and how much money you might have.

The late, great Christopher Reeve once said, "I think we all have a little voice inside that will guide us.... If we shut out all the noise and clutter from our lives and listen to that voice, it will tell us the right thing to do."

Behaving according to our beliefs can be a challenge. But when it comes to earning trust, keeping trust, and therefore maximizing your success, walking the talk is critical.

N. Cardoso 05/2010

Life is a Classroom.

I was driving to my office this morning, thinking about some of the latest events that has happened in my life and that has pulled me down for a long while there.

The experience I had gone through just a couple of months ago, brought back feelings that I believed I was never to experience again in this lifetime. But noneless here I am, broken, hurt, humiliated, resting my face flat on the bottom of the whole I got myself in, feeling so frail that even the thought of standing up made my body ache inside.

The radio was playing (as always) and a song came on - the lyrics held my attention and then something just clicked: life is much more than our eyes can see and there is so many great reasons to be happy and not let obstacles to drawn us down....this is how the lyrics went:

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what our eyes are seeing
You will find your way

So true, we all go through ups and downs in life, it becomes harder to have the downs when you have learned what the ups mean, however this same knowledge on the other token, should be the strenght that pulls you up, to stand up straight, to look right ahead and continue to believe on things you believed.

Cruel, selfish and insensitive people are all around, don't ever change your values and beliefs because they show you how decieving and unescrupulous a person can be. In moments like this it's ok to feel down, to hurt and temporarily loose faith in humanity. Just let it go, step back and evaluate the situation.

Don't duel too much on what has hapopened, time comes that we just have to close the book behind, recognize that these people have been deceiving themselves much more than they have decived you and look ahead.  Forget about having closure, make the closure with your own hands, not why or because of the other person, think about you and think all the reason why you shouldn't hang around anymore.  

Get closer and surround yourself with the ones you care about and truly cares about you. Their love for you will make everything to be fine again. Love is always worth, and it is a powerfull energy that keeps us going like the duracell bunny.
Have a great day!

N.Cardoso 05/2010

The Power of Thoughts

Last Thursday I went to the post office to get stamps to send my Christmas cards to clients and friends. While putting the stamps I was checking the names and realized that a year had gone by, and I haven't made contact with the friends that I was now sending seasons cards.

Three of them got more attention (Noreen, Claudette and Brian). They are people that I love, that have been friends for a long time and for one reason or another life was just happening to all of us and we haven't talk to each other in a year or more. So, as I thought about it,  I made a mental note to contact them as soon as I had a chance.

I left the post office and went on running my errands for the day. Around 12:30 I was hungry and instead going to my usual Panera Bread , I changed my mind and decided to take a break ata local Olive Garden. While the hostess is guiding me to my table I see someone waving at me from the back of one of the many rooms, for my complete surprise, it realize that the happy waiving persons was Claudette, I stop by, we hug, talk for a little and I leave her, her daughter and granddaughter to enjoy their lunch and head to my table, kind of taken by the 'coincidence'.

After lunch I went on with my Christmas errands. About 2pm I get a text message, I fell my phone vibrate and look at just to make sure it was nothing too important - as I look at the a chill runs thorugh my body - it is Noreen, saying that has been too long and we have to set something up and get together (which we schedule fore later today). What was going on? Another coincidence?

Well by the time the day ends and I am finally at home working on my computer I get an email message and yes it was from Brian....

These are very good and close friends, but somehow we all have life happening, we blink and a year goes by. We think about each other, but for one reason or another we can't stop right there at that moment, the day happens and then it is too late, so we think we'll get in touch the next day and time just goes by. I know, It's a shame, but it just happens this way.

Long story short, you can call coincidence, but I believe that there is something more to it. Somehow on that Thursday, the four of us were on the same wave lenght and our thoughts attracted each other.

It felt like something out of the book 'The Secret'. It got me thinking, what a powerful tool we have, makes me wonder what else can be achieved with positive thoughts and reaching the right waves. How come we have forgotten how to use this powerful resource????

                                                                                                   N. Cardoso 12/13/2009