Honesty: A lost Treasure?

Honesty is one of the greatest signs of a person's character. It is too easy to let slide and avoid saying our truthful thoughts to the people we care about. Not behind their backs, to others in a whisper... but staring at their eyes, in private, in a loving manner.

To say not just the bad, the flaws we see, not to humiliate but to motivate, a 'positive criticism' - if that is at all a possibility, after all criticism has always a bitter taste - (On a side note here, we must also be open-minded to accept the same 'positive criticism' from them). We must also recognize, highlight and applaud their good with the same easy we point fingers at their faults.

It can make you, break you, help you to succeed. It can destroy you, exonerate you and even bury you. BUT the thing that it will guarantee to do is to bring peace, harmony, trust, wealth, friendship, peace of mind, but most of all love and respect.

Honesty is not something you just expect to get from others because you believe to be entitled to it. It is something you give to others at the same proportion you expect to receive. Once honesty it is gone in any type of relationship then trust is wounded, and even tough a relationship can still remain, it will always be like trying to put together the pieces of a broken mirror...it might work still, but the image that reflects from it will always be distorted and imperfect.

Many today, have forgotten the importance of it and the 'few' that still honors this trait of a good character are usually labeled 'idiots'. Most people exercise the current 'what is in for me' mentality. The current society of 'immediate satisfaction at all costs' is transforming characters and relationships into something unnecessary and banal.

You can call me a dreamer, but I rather be an 'idiot' than a lost soul in search of a never-ending fantasy life filled with lies, pumped up by TV reality shows to fulfill the emptiness of my own life. Just because 'everybody does it' it does not make it right. That is where the use of common sense and free will should kick in.

Honesty is what comes out and it is what is expected from others. Without the bad I will never be the great human being I am cut out to be. Without losing I will never savor the taste of a sweet victory, without being discriminated I will never enjoy the pleasure of fitting in, without a tear I will never recognize the thrill of a happy smile.

No matter what the weather is on the outside, it will always be sunny on the inside because I know where the truth comes from and no one has the power to diminish it or try to mold me into something else, so they can feel comfortable on their own skin. Like the song said, “Don’t worry, be happy”.

Smile, regardless the tears streaming down your face, there will always be a sunshine shining after a stormy day.

N. Cardoso 07/26/2012

The Road To Happiness

"The U.S. Constitution doesn't guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it. You have to catch up to it yourself'"

"When I travel on business, I like to talk to the taxi drivers who take me from the airport to my hotel, or to a convention center, or to a restaurant. Taxi drivers are often immigrants with interesting personal histories and unusual cultural backgrounds. I ask them how long they've been in America, how they chose which city to live in, and what they like best about where they live. Of course, I also ask them for advice on good local restaurants and any special attractions they'd recommend to a visitor. I've had some great experiences on my travels, thanks to the advice of taxi drivers!

On one trip about ten years ago, I was making conversation with the taxi driver, asking him my usual questions about how he came to live where he lived. Then I asked him a hypothetical question: "If you could live anywhere in the world—and if money was no object—where would you live?"

Without hesitating even for a second, he replied, "I live in my heart. So it really doesn't matter where my body lives. If I am happy inside, then I live in paradise, no matter where my residence is."

I felt humbled and a little foolish for my question. Of course he was right—happiness is an inside job. He had reminded me of something I already knew, but had forgotten. If you can't find happiness inside yourself, you'll never find it in the outside world, no matter where you move. Wherever you go, there you are. You take yourself with you.

I am grateful for the wisdom of that taxi driver. And I'm grateful for all the wisdom others have shared with me about how to be happy."  by Mac Anderson and BJ Gallagher

          

You don't have to be a graduate from Harvard to know what that cab driver knew....

Until you learn to be happy with what you have and with whoever you are, regardless of any outside circunstance, no one can help you.

You have to search deep down within yourself to realy find the happiness we all strive for. Happiness is not a when and a where, it is a here and now!

Excuses can be made - when I have a bigger house, when I go on vacation, when I get there, when this or that happens...

There is an immense amount of excuses you can create, or just absorb from others to keep you from facing the real problem, however, until you realize that IF happiness was only encoutered on richness and possessions, millions of people around the world wouldn't have the faintest chance to achieve it, yet without any of the riches people in riches nations have, they know, they have the grasp and understanding what happiness really is. It is so simple that in a capitalist world, in a 'what is in for me' mentality, in a life lived vicariously through ridiculous 'reality shows on TV' it scapes, like the fine sand on the beach escapes through your fingers as you try to hold it, through the majority people's understanding.

Happines has no price, but never fool yourself into believing that because it is a free commodity it has no value...it has no price and it is available to all without discrimination not because it has no value but because there is not enough gold, diamond and money in the world tthat could pay the price that is worth.

The pictures on this post are pictures of few places I've lived in and had the opportunity to visit. There are so many different and gorgeous places that I would need a much bigger album to add all of them, however, today, as I look back,  I realize that I have been blessed enough to live and visit few of the most beatiful places in the world but I also realize that I was only partially happy in every place, because I, like many, I was always looking looking for something outside myself, for what was missing, for 'the next big thing', the thrill...

 

 

Now, those places are thousands of miles away from me, maybe one day I will be blessed enough to visit them again, who knows, life is a wonderful adventure, but the happiness and joy I feel inside can't be tainted by anything else.

 

 

No one, and I truly mean no one, have the power to take it away from me.  Even tough bad things, heart breaks, disapointments, eventual failures and life in general is not a 'perfect life' (whatever that might be), even tough I am still searching for an even better part of myself, I know that, in the end, there is only one person that holds the key to my complete happiness, and that person is myself.

N.Cardoso

Staying Positive on a Negative World.

I was reading this article this morning and thought it was a good reading for the begining of a new week and worth sharing with you...hope you do enjoy as well.

"We live in a world full of many negative and bad things.

Sometimes I am sure that you think that there can not be anything good happening! The media loves bad news! It reports on wars, crime, famine, recession, disease and disasters all the time. Such news they say sells. Yes there are many bad things happening and yes many of them will affect us at times.

What happens though when these things become all consuming?

Many people today are depressed, they drink and overeat to drown their misery which adds to their woes. What can we do to stay positive and get more out of life? For entrepreneurs it is vital to stay positive. How can you make your business grow and succeed if you are always worried about the next problem around the corner?

What is Real Positive Thinking?

Firstly let me be realistic about ‘positive thinking.’ Positive thinking will not give you some power to do what is not possible. This reminds me of the story of the man who said that positive thinking would allow him to jump off the top of a 30 story building and land without getting hurt. As he fell and passed a window on the fifteenth floor he was heard to say, “So far so good!”

How do we define real positive thinking? It is a realistic view of the world. There are many good things, many good people, many kind acts. When faced with problems there are usually solutions or methods to cope with them. A positive view helps a person to overcome or go around obstacles. To get to the other side of a mountain you do not need to go over it! You may walk or possible sail around it. There is often another way.

With positive thinking a problem is just a challenge. It will require a strategy and maybe help from someone to solve it or help you live with it.

My grandmother you used to say that there is no such word as ‘can’t’. I can’t do that or I can't do this? How do you know unless you try? Now a real positive thinker will know that there are some things you can’t do. At my age I will not win an Olympic Gold Medal in the 100 metres! This does not mean though that I can’t run and enjoy it! Be positive about what you can do and be prepared to try new things to see what your talents will allow you to do.

Being Positive in Business

The great thing about business is that you do not have to be able to do everything yourself. You can outsource work, get a business partner or employ someone. No such word as can’t! You can because you can get someone else to do the things you can’t do or do not have time to learn how to do them.

You need to look at every problem as a challenge. How can this be solved? Or how can you work around it? Use experts that can help if the problem is bigger than you can handle or you lack the knowledge to deal with it.

Learn to be realistic so that when you have a fantastic business you check it out before plunging into it. The positive thinking gurus will tell you that if you are positive any business idea will work. Rubbish! When many people tell you that your idea won’t work they may possibly be right. But ask the right people. Potential customers are your best option! Try and look at things in an objective way and do market research before risking your hard earned and cash and wasting time on projects that will not make you any money. However keep in mind that if what you are proposing is brand new it will meet resistance from investors, banks and others but if genuine market research (not your mum!) shows that there is sufficient demand then go for it!

Avoid Negativity

Whilst you need to be a realist, one thing that the positive thinking guru will encourage is to avoid being too connected with negative thinkers. That is probably good advice. Limit your time with the doom-mongers of this world. You know the ones. It’s too hot, then it’s too cold, and they are happiest when they are miserable! Most news channels on the TV show the same depressing news over and over again. By all means keep up to date but why watch or listen to the same story time after time? Read a good book instead or find something to do that will not only benefit you but will help others too.

Enjoy your life!

Take a pride and pleasure in what you do. Success is not to be measured against someone else’s wealth. There are many miserable millionaires in this world and money does not buy happiness. Surveys show that those most satisfied with their lives are people that work for little or nothing in the way of money as they spend their time helping others not as fortunate as themselves. In business there is a great deal of satisfaction from helping your customers to solve their problems or simply make them happy. Build your business around customer satisfaction.

That satisfaction will reflect in your enjoyment of your work and will give a you a positive feeling that no amount of positive thinking without such results will ever give.'

A magic moment!

I woke up this morning and between that little moment before the dream's memories goes away and the reality sets in, I hear birds chirping as the sun rises, the day gets brighter almost by the second. The sound of the ocean waves smoothly playing with the rocks and pebbles on the beach comes to me through my bedroom windows. The brine smell creeps in and reminds me of how blessed I am. The sweet perfume of wild roses swirling awakens my senses.

I throw my legs up in the air and push the covers away, just to feel the morning chill in the air in my still warm body...I pull them back quickly, all the way up to my neck and snuggle under it for a little bit more. I smile because that peaceful moment plays with my head, reminding me of days thata are long gone, giving an extra special meaning to this peaceful moment...I avoid putting my feet on the floor for as long I possibly can because once I do, this special time will be over, and all the daily routines must start. 

'You've got to get up every morning with determination, if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction' - the quote from Geoge Lorimer comes to my awaking mind, and I think: it's another wonderful day for the living and I am looking forward to all the wonderful promises and adventures this day has in store for me.

It's Monday, my friends, enjoy this day like no other. Make this a day to be remembered on the days to come. Have a magnificent day! 

N. Cardoso 06/18/2012

Who is this person on my mirror, who stares right back at me?

Look into the mirror... NO, I am not kidding....seriously look into the mirror. Instead checking out your skin, face, shave, hair, clothes, etc.... look into the eyes that stare right back at you. Look deep into the person that stares right back at you. Then ask: 'Who are you?'

Have you ever done this exercise? Once in a while I do practice this and to be honest is not always a pleasant exercise, okay, all right, 99.9% of the times is actually an unpleasant experience, but it is an eye opening one. Sometimes I get the answers to my own questions, I must confess that usually I don't like what I hear. Respond to your own question with honesty and sincerity, be candid and brutally honesty, this is the only way this exercise can have any positive result. Sugar coating reality is not going to cut it.

The majority of us have the habit to think that we do our best on everything, then I ask you. Do we? Really? To say we never did anything to deserve this! - Seriously? That we have been treated unfairly? - Truly? That we are always nice to everybody else? - Honestly? That we don't understand why this happened to me? - Are we for real?

If we have the courage to face the person in the mirror and be honest and frank with the same effortless energy that we usually have to judge others we may find that the truth is a 'little tinny' different than the one we perceive.

I will share a personal experience with you - something happened to me a couple of weeks ago and I thought to myself  'I never did anything to deserve this...' this is what I have said and heard many times me and other people saying - 'I did nothing to deserve this....' then looking into the mirror, staring at my red crying tired eyes, looking for an answer inside myself.... it hit me like an eighteen wheeler on a high-speed highway coming down the mountain....

That was where I went wrong....the core of the problem was what I was using to justify myself.... 'I didn't do anything'....

Issues were boiling between me a loved one for a while, I had quiet my own instinct, I had hushed the little voice that urged me to an eye to eye discussion. I silenced myself and behaved like all was well, to avoid a confrontation I made myself believe that everything would all go away, that maybe was just a phase, that as long politeness and common courtesy existed all was fine - oh boy, I didn't see it coming and that was where things went wrong, my biggest mistake was 'to do nothing'.  

Due to my aphaty, my cowardice, my weakness to confront the little signs and situations with an honest conversation, the little problems became out of control and created a parallel life in itself and then it all came to an unexpected and uncontrollable point that all exploded.

There is a saying that I used to hear when little that comes to mind: "The worst blind is the one who refuses to see". I refused to open my eyes to see what was happening. Because it was comfortable, because I was afraid of the consequences, because I was afraid of the truth, I was afraid of loosing - now here I was, getting the truth direct from myself and that was not an easy thing to hear.

When our own shoes hurts it feels differently, the discomfort is bigger, the pain is more profound than when someone else's shoes hurt. We might just ask why don't they change the shoes??? Then again why don't we change ours when it hurts? Just because the response is usually not that simple.

It does amazes me how easy it is to look at others and say what their problems are, where they have made a mistake, how they didn't fight for themselves, etc...and then, when it comes to the person looking back in the mirror, we are so condescending, so flexible with the facts. Funny to learn how reality works in different measures. We are so ready to justify, usually blaming others for our own mistakes or just exonerating ourselves of anything and becoming martyrs.

We must learn how bad pain can be to really exercise true compassion towards others. We must realize that nobody can always be nice (unless they are afraid of showing who they really are and be rejected), that we are not always fair, that we do not always do our best, that even thought we don't want to listen we do, most of the times know and understand why things are happening to us.

Growing is a painful process, but it is also a rewarding one. Being today, better than we were yesterday and striving to be better yet tomorrow is the right and not always glorious path to a fulfilling life. Part of this growing process is not just forgiving others but most importantly... forgiving ourselves.

Being patient, loving, gentle and caring to ourselves while walking the road that will bring us to better understand our own flaws and weakness it will, in time, make us stronger and wiser to be more understanding, loving, caring and forgiving towards others. It is a daily exercise and many times we do make the same mistakes over and over until one day we finally get it, and then we practice to remove that habit from our list of habits. One habit at a time.

Once you finally figure who this person looking back at you is, with all its weaknesses and strenghts, go back once in a while and ask other questions 'What do you want from your life?' 'Are you happy where you are?' 'What can you do to improve and make a better version of yourself?' and so on.

The world can go on and there is very little we can do to change others. There is only one person you can change in the universe and that person is yourself. You can change you mind set, you can eliminate destructive habits, change behavior, re-program and make a 2.0 version of your old self with many enhanced optimizations and became much better than the person you were before. 

We don't, and will never have all the answers. If we can only figure the answer we need now, at this exact moment while looking to our own eyes in the mirror that alone is a huge step forward. We don't get it right all the time. It is humanly impossible. We fall here and there, we just need to be humble enough to stand up again, recognize our weaknesses, ask for, and give forgiveness. Learn how to get one thing right at a time. That alone is how we end up achieving Victory.

N. Cardoso 08/2010

What is Happiness?

by Daisaku Ikeda

What is the purpose of life?

It doesn't matter what your answer is in the and it all boils to one simple and common answer.

It is to become happy.

Whatever country or society people live in, they all have the same deep desire: to become happy. Yet, there are few ideals as difficult to grasp as that of happiness. In our daily life we constantly experience happiness and unhappiness, but we are still quite ignorant as to what happiness really is.

 

The secret of happiness lay in building a strong inner self that no trial or hardship could ruin. Happiness for anyone - man or woman - does not come simply from having a formal education, from wealth, having power or from marriage. It begins with having the strength to confront and conquer one's own weaknesses. Only then does it become possible to lead a truly happy life and enjoy a successful relationship with others.

Happiness doesn't exist in the past or in the future. It only exists within our state of life right now, here in the present, as we face the challenges of daily life.

You know best whether you are feeling joy or struggling with suffering. These things are not known to other people. Even a man who has great wealth and social recognition may still be shadowed by indescribable suffering deep in his heart. On the other hand, an elderly woman who is not fortunate financially, leading a simple life alone, may feel the sun of joy and happiness rising in her heart each day.

Happiness is not a life without problems, but rather the strength to overcome the problems that come our way. There is no such thing as a problem-free life; difficulties are unavoidable. But how we experience, confront and react to our problems depends on us.

Buddhism teaches that we are each responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness. Our vitality - the amount of energy or "life-force" we have - is in fact the single most important factor in determining whether or not we are happy.

True happiness is to be found within, in the state of our hearts. It does not exist on the far side of some distant mountains. It is within you, yourself. However much you try, you can never run away from yourself. And if you are weak, incapable to deal with your own vulnerabilities and mistakes, suffering will follow you wherever you go. You will never find happiness if you don't challenge your weaknesses and change yourself from within.

Happiness is to be found in the dynamism and energy of your own life as you struggle to overcome one obstacle after another. This is why I believe that a person who is active, free from fear and strong to stand for his/her faith and belief is truly happy.

The challenges we face in life can be compared to a tall mountain, rising before a mountain climber. For someone who has not trained properly, whose muscles and reflexes are weak and slow, every inch of the climb will be filled with terror and pain. The exact same climb, however, will be a thrilling journey for someone who is prepared, whose legs and arms have been strengthened by constant training. With each step forward and up, beautiful new views will come into sight.

A teacher used to talk about two kinds of happiness - "relative" and "absolute" happiness. Relative happiness is happiness that depends on things outside ourselves: friends and family, surroundings, the size of our home or family income.

This is what we feel when a desire is fulfilled, or something we have longed for is obtained. While the happiness such things bring us is certainly real, the fact is that none of this lasts forever. Things change. People change. This kind of happiness shatters easily when external conditions alter.

Relative happiness is also based on comparison with others. We may feel this kind of happiness at having a newer or bigger home than the neighbors. But that feeling turns to misery the moment they start making new additions to theirs!

Absolute happiness, on the other hand, is something we must find within. It means establishing a state of life in which we are never defeated by trials and where just being alive is a source of great joy. This persists no matter what we might be lacking, or what might happen around us. A deep sense of joy is something which can only exist in the innermost reaches of our life, and which cannot be destroyed by any external forces. It is eternal and inexhaustible.

This kind of satisfaction is to be found in consistent and repeated effort, so that we can say, "Today, again, I did my very best. Today, again, I have no regrets. Today, again, I won." The accumulated result of such efforts is a life of great victory.

What we should compare is not ourselves against others. We should compare who we are today against who we were yesterday, who we are today against who we will be tomorrow. While this may seem simple and obvious, true happiness is found in a life of constant advancement. And the same worries that could have made us miserable can actually be a source of growth when we approach them with courage and wisdom.

The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali

N. Cardoso - 08/2010

Dare to Dream.

I strongly feel that death is actually a small concern compared to the living dead, who have not fulfilled their dream or who have not been true to themselves. Live a life for which you can be thankful. - Patch Adams

Clearing the inner clutter and freeing ourselves from past patterns that would hold us back is the beginning of liberty. But it is only a beginning. We are the ones we have been waiting for, and it is up to us to cultivate our potential for greatness and offer our gifts to the world. If we have emptied ourselves of prejudice, anger, and fear, then we can be filled with love. We can be the dreamers who make a more lovely and equitable world a reality.

'When I look into the future, it's so bright it burns my eyes.'

We are great mysteries, living in the sea of life. As the ebb and flow of tides of changes wash through us we can choose growth and expansion, or we can cling to the old ways of thinking and being. Still even if we choose to cling, life itself changes around us, and we find that trying to stop the evolution of our souls is the way of death. If we choose to seek and embrace the changes, to ride the tides and trust the powers that is both within and without, we co-create our destinies and become more than we even dreamed we would be.

The power lies in this moment, this choice. At the intersection of here and now lies the opportunity to begin a new and happier pattern by making a different choice.

'Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.'

Tiny Buddha -  06/2010